Narcisismul

Posted: Iulie 27, 2010 in relatii

Narcissists are often frustrated in love relations as they search for the ideal mate, who does not exist for them in reality. Their most pervasive trait is a lack of empathy and insensitivity to the needs and feelings of their objects. They fuse with their objects exactly as
they view the world—as an extension or appendage of themselves—and are unable to share anyone else’s good fortune. In conjoint therapy, these dynamics and defenses become more explicit as we see movements flowing back and forth between guilt and shame, envy and jealousy, perfectionism and chaos, domination–control and submission, dependency and omnipotent control, and attachment and detachment. In many of my earlier contributions, I refer to these dynamics as “the dance,” which explains why couples stay in painful conflictual relations, interactions that go on and on, round and round, without ever reaching any conflict resolution. As Freud noted, the need for others and the need for love are very powerful emotions that pour an overflowing ego libido into the object. This mimics a psychotic state, a reunion of highly charged emotional and bodily experiences. As Freud noted, the need for others and the need for
love are very powerful emotions that pour an overflowing ego libido into the object. This mimics a psychotic state, a reunion of highly charged emotional and bodily experiences. Any threat or reminder of this early trauma triggers profound feelings of not
being special or not being the “only one”: “What do you mean you’re going to visit your brother? You put your brother before me! I’m your husband and I should come first!” Narcissists have excessive entitlement fantasies and an inflated sense of
self. They display a pervasive pattern of self-importance and often have an exaggerated illusion regarding their accomplishments and talents. They are dominated by such primitive defenses as idealization, omnipotent denial, omnipotent ideal, grandiosity, devaluation, isolation, projection, projective identification and splitting. They are often competitive and envious, will go to any extreme to win and will do anything to prove their specialness. When confronted, challenged or not properly admired or appreciated, they will go into a narcissistic rage or withdraw into a narcissistic retreat. When their personal sense of pride has been threatened, they will fly into a narcissistic rage or withdraw and isolate themselves. Basically, narcissists do not respond to confrontation. So what should therapists do when they need to confront the narcissist? The first step is to prepare for the onslaught. They need to be amply mirrored, praised and acknowledged before they are given even the smallest piece of constructive criticism”.

Lackhar, How to talk to a narcissist.

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